I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
