Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
