just tell him i said nine months
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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