opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
