so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
