How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
