and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sext me about skeletons
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize