I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
