Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How does one acquire holy water?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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