The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
false alarm. still invincible.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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