I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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