matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
