Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
