woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
