Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
