Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
