Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
