I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
