Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
