so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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