Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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