Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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