I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
