I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
