You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
