Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
