if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
