all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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