i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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