I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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