the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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