Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
