i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Text me some of your sweat
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