we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Terrible idea I love it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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