I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
