he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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