'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
