Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
