I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I met the friendliest cop last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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