I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
