You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
