my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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