If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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