yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
