Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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