Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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