No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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