Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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