Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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