its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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