I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
