oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
