so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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