im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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