I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
