I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
vagina is talking i cant
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
