i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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