Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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