Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
