i need an iv and a liver transplant
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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