apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
