I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
