I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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