I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
