Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
