I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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