I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I would ride that face into the sunset
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
