at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
