3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
