If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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