I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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