Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
