I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
