Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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