All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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